KILAGUNI - THE PLACE OF THE YOUNG RHINO

Among the many pre-colonial and colonial era tales is the epic of the “Man eaters of Tsavo”. I wouldn't ever pass up the chance to rub shoulders with the dreaded canines.  I am no moran (Masaai warrior) but I am definitely no chicken. So, on Thursday morning, dressed up like one of the explorers of old, bush hat, camera, binoculars and safari boots complete with brown cargo pants we head off into the sunrise. There are three of us and the driver-cum-guide

Our driver is some shags-mondo, and the haggard city streets are a nightmarish labyrinth to the good man. He takes a few scary turns that got other drivers honking like they just checked outta Mathere (mental hospital) . Its then we realize that some bush tour guides could benefit from the services of good city tour guides!

We are soon out of town and are thundering down Mombasa road like we are late for a date with the King of Scotland. This driver must have something against our bones. The way he is driving… why else would he purposely hit every pothole on the road? Well, well, that or there is more potholes that road on the Athi-river – Machakos junction stretch.

Soon we are past the hellish stretch and we decide to catch breakfast at the Engen Petrol Station at Machakos junction. The woman at the counter has ATT (attitude) the size of Mt. Kilimambogo but who cares. We are famished, and eat we shall eat, kwani iko nini? The road is now bearable and Ukambani is a lush green dotted with a carpet of white “morning glory” flowers. This is a far cry from the dry dusty Ukambani plains we are used to.

By this time, the driver has gotten a tongue-lashing from the passengers and he is on a go-slow. Doing 60 kms an hour or thereabout. I am a speed junkie and am soon bored off to sleep. We get to Mtito Andei sometime before midday. Strange little town, halfway between Nairobi and Mombasa – 250 km either way. Huge Safaricom and Celtel billboards one on each side of the road on the hill welcome you into town. I am cheering, go on brothers, strangle each other if you will, twaz Sasa at 8 bob, now we got Mambo at 6 bob. At least I can talk to my gal for a decent ten minutes without worrying how many beers my phone is gulping down.

See, these guys don’t just compete against each other. Airtime is competition for bread money, milk money and even beer money. And then there is a whole brood of mama sitas whose anthem is “woiye nisambazie!”

We turn into the Tsavo West National Park at Mtito Andei. Nice dusty road all the way to Kilaguni Serena Safari Lodge – half an hour’s drive from Mtito Andei. Kilaguni means “the place of the young rhino” and the rhino is lodge’s mascot. After the dusty bone-rattling five-hour drive, this is heaven. Cool towels and refreshing cold fruit juice. Potters whisk our bags away our designated rooms. I am a lucky son of a gun, I get to stay in a beautiful deluxe suite. a.k.a. the State House – overlooking the scenic Chyulu hills and Mt Kilimanjaro in the distant. There is a water hole a few meters from my window. It’s no record that hundreds of buffalos sometimes visit this water hole all at once. No such luck today, but I get to see bushbucks, elephant, ostrich, zebra and lots of antelopes from the serenity of my balcony.

Lunch is a grand affair, sparkling wine and all. There’s this wonderful chef who does pasta better than ma mama; didn't think they still make them so good at Utalii no more. Afterwards, we gather at the statehouse to watch soccer on DSTV. Beer is on the house, and I call up all my buddies with kawa rooms and we clear the fridge in a few hours. In the evening we get to go for a game drive, difficult to spot animals in this dense woodland but when we see them, there are plenty of them.

The sunset is to die for here. Gold over the Chyulu hills before the sun plunges the Tsavo into a calm quite night that so frightened some railway builders a century or so ago. Ever watched the “Ghost and the darkness”? Now that’s kind of chill you feel every time a hyena howls (these ones don’t laugh) in the distance. When the Tsavo lions roar you freeze!

Dinner is another festive affair, cake and the cooks singing “jambo bwana” for us. I am yet to fathom this, which Kenyan greets the other saying ‘jambo”? Jambo my foot! Think it’s the hoteliers’ way of protecting our cultural heritage by misinforming the jungus! How about habari gani, sasa, vipi?

Day one will not be long for me because I must turn in early. There’s great promise for day two.

Day two. Some gracious wake-up call starts me up - Effects of last night’s indulgence still clinging on me. I soak in the bath for kedo 30 minutes and I am ready for day two. There is a tempting masseur hawking her services but it’s not on the house. I consider the deal for a moment but I quickly pinch myself back to reality. What was I thinking? I must be more insane than a frightened skunk. The damage to the pocket is well beyond my means.

Midmorning is good time to visit Mzima Springs. The legend of Mzima has it that the river flows underground from the Chyulu hills, filtered by layers of porous volcanic rocks until it surfaces at Mzima. Some bright Coasterians decided to tap into Mother Nature, they tap the water and it flows down by gravity all the way to MSA. Folly is when Kao’s are dying of thirst and all their sweet heavenly water is going to MSA. I hope those mnazi drinkers pay for the water? How about sending some mnazi to Kibwezi for in exchange for some water?

If there was ever paradise, this was it. We hold our collective breath, this is indeed a spiritual moment when the spirit whispers into your ear “See, I told you there is a God out there somewhere!” So serene, so beautiful, so untouched, so undefiled. I didn't believe it when the wardens said the crocodile can bite, hello, this is paradise? The water is crystal clear; you can see the fishes swimming on the riverbed. The hippos here love themselves like those JVCs (jaluo very clean) from UK (United Kisumu), they are so clean you’d think they work in a hospital, all showered and sanitized.

We just stand there staring at the fishes, hippos, crocs, paradise… the peace does inspire poetry, pity don’t have hetero-company with me; Just some poor hungry jango buddy called Ojuok. The man is salivating at the sight of all the fres fis. Wololo he must be thinking, If only ad carried some ugali.

Its time to head back to lodge, some quick lunch before the dash to Amboseli. We have made lots of friends here in the short time we've been here and we promise to come back some day. After lunch we head out of the Tsavo for the Amboseli. There’s one more surprise waiting for us – The Shetani Lava Flow.

The Shetani Lava flow is a mass of black volcanic rock that stretches tens of kilometers from Chyulu hills all the way to Mzima Springs. The volcanic flow is only a few hundred years old. The locals thought hell has broken loose and the red flow must have scared them to death. Now its one expansive black mass of bare rock – quite looks like some giant tractor dug through it in the night and didn't do the job too good. It’s a grand sight to behold.

As we head out of Tsavo West, there’s nostalgia and a pregnant silence among us. The place is indeed awesome. Amboseli is another two hours away. That a story for another day.

This was among my very first articles when I begun to indulge in the world of travel journalism. The style is different, juvenile maybe, with a dash of sheng. The sheng from that era is now antique; still, I loved the fresh feel of the novice. I know how a baby feels the day it learns to take its first steps!