THE ETHIOPIAN ODYSSEY

One of the more captivating legends to come out of Ethiopia is the story of Queen Sheba and her sojourn to Jerusalem. Ethiopian folklore tells of the beautiful Nubian Queen Sheba who journeyed hundreds of miles through desert and jungle to the Jewish holy city of Jerusalem for a date with King Solomon, the wisest man alive at the time. Never mind that the wise King had a harem of 300 concubines and 700 wives...

Current statistical models point to a serious affliction of satyriasis and perhaps "the clap" (tongue in cheek!) on the part of the King. It is also safe to assume that before departing for Jerusalem, our impressionable Queen must have received some intelligence briefing on the little detail of the King's addiction. Regardless, our enchanted Queen, hell-bent on harvesting some holy seed, would not be deterred by such superficial details. (See, this insane syndrome of  "good-girl-falling-for-bad-boy" is old news, no?). The story has a happy ending though; on her return from Jerusalem, Queen Sheba was heavy with child. Shortly, she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy - Menelik 1, the father of the Ethiopian Jewish scion known as Beta Israel.

If this Judeo-Christian yarn doesn’t whet your palate, then the epic of the invincible Emperor Menelik II at the battle of Adowa (or Adwa) should at least jerk your dispassionate senses to attention. Despite their superior firepower, the Italians were given a thorough hiding that will not be soon forgotten. Ethiopia is said to be the only county in African that was not colonized by the Europeans during “The Scramble and Partition for Africa”.

In recent history, you must have heard of the Rastafarian movement and their messiah -  The One, Ras Tafari Makonnen. In the wake of the Great Depression of the 1930s, the Oracle of  Marcus Garvey made a prophesy,  "Look to Africa where a Black King shall be crowned. He shall be your Redeemer." The Universal Negro Improvement Association, in desperate need of hope to uplift their floundering fortunes, received a herculean jab of adrenaline when Emperor Haile Salassie 1, ascended to power. Upon his coronation, Emperor Haile Salassie was proclaimed, "The Conquering Lion of Judah", "The Anointed One", "The Redeemer" who would lead the oppressed masses to the mystical "Kingdom of Zion".

From the mysterious megalithic obelisks of Aksum, to the (supposed) resting place of the Ark of the Covenant - St. Mary of Zion Cathedral, one cannot help but marvel at this supremely rich historical treasure trove that is Abyssinia. The numerous archaeological/historically significant sites don’t do justice in telling the story of these proud people of Habesha, whose indomitable spirit has defiantly withstood the allure of westernization and the corrosive effects of time.

The legend of Ethiopia is embalmed in the mute walls of the rock-hewn churches of Lalibela (New Jerusalem). The history of Ethiopia is irrevocably entwined with the chronicles of the ancient Ethiopian Coptic Orthodox Church, the accounts of Apostle Phillip and the "Ethiopian Eunuch" and the holy writs of Apostle Mark of Alexandria.

Ethiopia is the riddle of the ancient Amharic language and mystic Ge’ez script. It is the enigma of Lucy (Australopithecus Afarensis) – one of the oldest known hominid archaeological finds. It is a cryptic maze of ancient pyramids, buried deep under the reticent sand dunes in what was once the dominion of the Pharaohs of Upper Egypt and the suspected fountain of the sacred Nile.

The Ethiopian epic is the tale of the titanic feats of the world’s greatest athletes, embossed in history by the sinewy feet of Haile Gabre Salassie, Tirunesh Dibaba, Genzebe Dibaba, Meseret Defar, Kenenise Bekele and Feyisa Lilesa. Still, my Ethiopian narrative will not be complete without the sombre 'burnt faces" of the Oromo nation, the insolent Chinese-built skyscrapers reaching for the Addis Ababa skyline, and the giddy electric trains of an ancient power sloshed in the orgasmic throes of a 21st Century renaissance.

The main tower of the African Union Conference Centre housing offices, breakaway rooms, and restaurants

An invitation came in through our office to attend a four-day, 10^th SCCA Conference (Stop Cervical, Breast and Prostate Cancer in Africa) in Addis Ababa Ethiopia. Travel and adventure have a way of getting my juices bubbling, especially so after the long bar-room tales about the beauty and great heritage of Abyssinia (or Habesha, as its affectionately known to my grandfather).

We boarded an Ethiopian Airlines flight early evening at JKIA. Ethiopian Airlines are buying state-of-art Dreamliners and making super-normal profits while our local airline, the embarrassment called Kenya Airways (KQ) is struggling to stay afloat. There must be something they are doing right and this would definitely be an opportunity to learn something new.

Nothing much to write about the flight; there was the language barrier and whatever spattering of English that got into the conversation with the bevy of sizzling hot hostesses was limited to ordering food and wine. Their onboard food is drub and characteristically oily, as I would later find out. The highlight of the flight must have been the young red wine that oddly enticed my taste buds. We landed in Addis a little past 9 pm. At that hour, much of the airport's bustle has toned down to a steady din. Other than the occasional Ethiopian Airlines planes touching down or taking off, there wasn't much else to see.

We touched down on a frigid rainy Addis evening to a taciturn reception by menacing airport officials. To understand the Ethiopian people, you need to understand how the Ethiopian government runs. Successive governments have been disposed to authoritarian tendencies perhaps misinformed by once-popular Marxist-Leninist communist revisionism. Rules are religiously followed and everything ordered to military precision, The government will expeditiously and brutally crackdown on anyone who falls out of line. On this cold Addis Ababa evening, I did not need to understand the Amharic language; one dead obsidian look from the security personnel and everyone magically fell into line. Their tight rein on security and suspicious treatment of visitors/aliens perhaps explains why, unlike Kenya, Ethiopia is rarely raided by the capricious hordes of Al Shabaab terrorists from neighboring Somalia. 

The Kenyan time zone is exactly the same as the Ethiopian one. We didn’t need to reset our watches/phones as we drifted into the airport reception. The reception is a much more comely place with gentle banter as the taxi and hotel drivers jostle for clients. The airport reception space is lined with dozens of banks, all of them still open at this late hour (9pm). We quickly exchange our dollars into the local Birr currency. The Birr exchanges at about 20B to the dollar and feels stronger than the Kenyan shilling. 

The Ethiopian Birr

  

The Hilton concierge service is on point and we are welcomed by a smartly dressed young man, in a suit, no less; going by the name of Neblyu. His command of English is better than any local we have encountered so far. We get chattering as we wait for our transport to arrive. We learn that it’s utterly impossible for a foreigner to get a cellphone line over the counter until after a thorough background check by their spooky security machinery. Our guide is connected and for twenty dollars, he quickly gets us a local line and for a few more Birr, we are connected to the only telephone provider network in the country; which as expected, is government-controlled and sub-standard in terms of "call quality" and "internet speeds".

On the way to the Hotel (Hilton) our guide gives us a running commentary of the important stuff we need to know about the country and how to get about. I learn that Addis has a vibrant nightlife and my chummy Neblyu gladly agrees to show me around the next day.

                                                          The Hilton - Addis Ababa

After another exhaustive check of our paperwork at the Hilton Addis, we are finally checked into our rooms. The rooms are decent but not overly breathtaking. My colleague asks for a change of room because hers is moldy and gets her wheezing within minutes of settling in. We have an early morning the next day and we thus quickly settle down for the night.






                                                                                    Breakfast at the Hilton

Breakfast is a mottled and oily affair, typical of traditional Ethiopian cuisine only interrupted by a spattering of continental dishes.  We hadn't eaten dinner the previous night on account of our late arrival; Anything they served us this morning was deceptively delicious. After breakfast, we catch a cab to the African Union (AU) Conference Center where the official opening ceremony is scheduled for nine o'clock. We are seated by the appointed hour and soon the dignitaries come trooping in.

The Dome at the African Union Conference Centre houses the main amphitheater.

The lighting at the dome is tastefully done to mimic daylight and/or night skies as the ambiance may require

As expected, the hosts treat us to protracted presentations and an endless litany of project statistics as they labour on emphasizing their successes in the fight against cancer. After the keynote speech by the Ethiopian Prime Minister, Hailemariam Desalegn Boshe, the other dignitaries also take turns at the dais highlighting their countries' efforts in fighting cancer. Our very own, the Honourable First Lady of Kenya, Dr. Margaret Kenyatta, a natural orator, does a good job at speaking for the Kenyan delegation.

The Honourable First Lady of Kenya, Dr. Mrs. Margaret Kenyatta giving her speech during the 10th SCCA Conference

Lunch is served in pyramid tents adjacent to the main conference buildings at the AU Centre. All delegates (other than VIPs) local and international are herded together to the dining area and we have the opportunity to sample real Ethiopian food. The world-famous "injera" is on offer. Nicely done in traditional fashion and served with an accompaniment of spicy oily meat stews. This dish is so tantalizing tasty' it will leave your taste buds yearning for more. Much to the amusement of the foreigners, the locals are devouring the miscellany of dessert cakes on offer like they are going out of fashion.  The only thing I am now missing is the famous roasted Ethiopian coffee. Perhaps that's been spared for the evening meal...

After the lunch break, it's time for different groups to throng into the various break-away rooms and get down to some solid intellectual discourse - the real reason my employer paid for this trip. Never mind the uncomfortably full stomachs, we listen patiently to a medley of presenters from across the breadth of Africa who are more than eager to share their achievements and lessons learnt from implementing Public Health and Medical Programs in the fight against cancer.

We break for the day at about five o'clock and head for our designated shuttle buses that will drop us off at our various hotels. It's still a rainy evening but I am absolutely determined to take a walk around town and get my bearings. Addis has this safety feeling which is nothing you will ever fill even in uptown Nairobi. 

In the past 5-10 years, Ethiopia has woken up from its economic slumber and it’s like a rocket on steroids. Land in Ethiopia is owned by the government and private developers must be having a field day acquiring prime pieces of real estate for a song. They don’t have to compensate any landowners like we do in Kenya.  Imagine if Arap Singh were to take a trip up North?

Addis is an expansive town with several business districts scattered across the breadth of the city. Development is fast sprouting up everywhere in the city and the Chinese are putting up their shiny skyscrapers faster than Bekele can run his final lap. A big chunk of the visitors checking into Addis come in as conferencing tourists. Lots of the development coming up is geared towards improving the bed capacity of the city to serve these conferencing tourists. There are some pretty decent hotels all around town. Nonetheless, this city is still a city in conflict with itself. There are informal settlements side by side with the skyscrapers and in some cases right in the middle of town.

The roads in most of the inner city have been nicely done with bypasses and overpasses. And then there is the now-famous light rail commuter electric train.  It crosses the city from North to South and East to West, not unlike a cross. It looks all nice and shiny but I make a point to come ride the glitzy machine the next day. I did not have a chance to go beyond the city limits but last I visited Moyale (a border town on the Ethiopian – Kenya border), there was tarmac on the Ethiopian side and clouds of dust on the Kenyan side. The Kenyans have been working on completing their side of the tarmac road that will link up their production centers to the  Northern Frontier districts.

 

The Addis Electrical Light-rail Urban Transport System dissects the city like an Orthodox cross

On the evening of day three, I am feeling super adventurous and I decide to board the electric train. I am absolutely carefree and even if Haile Salassie himself should come back to life, he won't be able to stop me.  With a couple of Birr in hand, I confidently walk to the “train stop” and board the first train that comes my way – with absolutely no care the direction the train is going. You know what they say of people without goals? Anywhere you end up is fine because you did not have a destination in mind anyway. At least you'll get somewhere. The concepts of "lost" or "failure" do not exist in my present reality. 

The train ride takes me due west past the suburbs and into the outskirts of the City. The thing about this train, it’s a “Wanjiku’s ride”. The only other comparable level of crowding is in those crazy videos we receive on social media from India. I was utterly squashed up in my small corner of the train for the entire duration of the trip. We're smack in the middle of rush hour and it looks like every other Ethiopian in this city is on this train, rushing home for dinner. 

The ride back was much smoother and less crowded and I now have the chance to see the sights and sounds of Addis. Nonetheless, I am absolutely petrified that at any time the conductor will come by and demand to see my ticket. In my hurry to board the train, I had assumed that the tickets would be sold on board. To my shock, the tickets are only sold in s are not sold from little sales offices tucked up in some corner of the stations.  It is my lucky day; maybe the conductor must be coming to the end of a long shift and is less vigilant. 

Addis - a city in conflict with itself. The old and the new, side by side, rubbing shoulders and jockeying for the ever-reducing spaces.

For all the good roads in this city, it has some of the oldest and most annoying cars on the road. There are not many new cars… Taxi is the choice method for a wandering foreigner to get around town. There are two types of taxis – the Yellow Cabs and the Blue Cabs. The Yellow Cabs are the newer cars and charge a higher rate than the Blue Cabs. They target foreigners and are parked around hotels, malls, and other facilities frequented by foreigners. The Blue Cabs are time-travelers from a different dimension. Remember the Russian-made Lada from the 70s and 80s? These contraptions are so old you could catch Tetanus or a heart attack just riding in them – from faulty brakes to malfunctioning windows and rude arrogant drivers; it’s a harrowing ride that I would certainly not recommend.

                                                               

The Legendary Lada - this relic from a by-gone era tells a story of Ethiopia's historical indulgence with Communism

Ethiopians are paranoid about their security. The press tells me that they have one of the largest and best-equipped armies in Africa. I have to feel sorry for the Oromo people and other darker-skinned people like the Marille from the South and Southwest parts of the country. They have been fighting for self-determination for over four decades now. Hundreds have died at the hands of the government and thousands have been incarcerated. 

You will see them walk around with their frightened eyes darting, their heads bowed in their collective shame; a grudging acceptance of the second-class citizenry status that their lighter-skinned countrymen have bestowed on their communities. Yet, occasionally, you will come across these out-of-the-ordinary recherche firebrands; like this proud young man (name withheld) with a steely resolute determination in his eyes; a strange dark light, a vile cocktail of bottled-up murderous rage, and rapacious thoughts of revenge. Pray, pray that his day never comes pass. 

The thing about being “black” in Ethiopia… the lighter-skinned folk from the North do not consider themselves Africans and carry themselves around with an air of superiority. There is a quiet but pervasive “racism” bubbling just under the surface. There is a case where we went for a breakfast meeting and there was plenty of food and pastries left over after the function. The “mzungu” host welcomed us to take away some of the pastries and even took some away himself. The hotel manager flatly refused us to take away the pastries saying “No, not for Africans”. If he were in Kenya, I would give him a mouthful of expletives to last him two lifetimes.

I am tired and the cold is getting to me. I feel feverish and I have to cancel my planned night-crawling agenda. Still, Ethiopians have nice cheap beer and I plan to sample everything that is at the counter. There are probably like eight different types of beer at my hotel and I order the whole collection all at once. I arrange them in a neat line for the photo-op and thereafter it's downhill. I like the St. Georges and the Harar and the Walia… Ok, that’s like all of them. Pray for me, the hangover in the morning is not going to be pretty.

A galaxy of very affordable and great-tasting Ethiopian beer. The hangover is a very different ballgame...

We had the chance to visit the prestigious Sheraton Hotel. From where I stand, it's the African standard for defining opulence. The designers/developers did not spare any expenses. They put in their best materials and hardware into the structure and fabric of the building. Their cutlery and furniture are out of this world. The food and service are also decent and in complete synchrony with its abode. Even the aloof location on a hill away from the noise and bustle of the city is a deliberate decision to enhance the elegance of this facility as the natural niche and playground for only the super-rich folks. From the rear balconies and gardens, one can catch absolutely stunning and panoramic views of the city’s skyline.

The obscenely opulent Sheraton Hotel. Even Trump himself would give this one a 5-star rating

Scenes from the absolutely magnificent Sheraton Hotel. The lush back garden offers stunning uninhibited  panoramic views of the City of Addis Ababa 

On my third evening in Addis, I am feeling sufficiently settled and ready to hit the town. My guide Neblyu comes to pick me up in a small Vitz which I fuel for 600B on the promise that it will last the night and take us wherever we need to go. Our first stop is the CEO Club in downtown Addis. The music is great and even I can relate. They are playing all sorts of African music from Nigeria, South Africa to Kenya. They even threw in some “Nameless” for good measure. This is a young club and you can tell it’s the college types that patronize it bringing their scantily clad girlfriends out for a night of vodka/whiskey and sheesha. The thing about these Ethiopian girls, they are as light as the next odiero from the North Pole. Now give them those cut-off jeans shorts and you got a murder on your hands. There are no anti-tobacco rules in Ethiopia. The CEO is one smoky club, I tell you. Pretty soon I begin to cough and spatter like those old carburetor engines. That’s my cue to leave for a place with fresher air.

My guide tells me that Club Concorde is a good spot, but on a random Tuesday, it’s really thin on crowd, and we make the decision to visit the more lively Club Dome. Except for the entrance fee which Kenyans really abhor, the interiors are tastefully done, comfortable furniture, lots of open spaces with fresh air, and decent music to boot.

This spot reminds me so much of the Floridas at their peak. The soul sisters are out in droves, talons sharpened, ready to pounce on any unsuspecting prey. Market forces are at play and the richer Europeans are taking home the crème of the Ethiopian sex market. Next in line are the Chinese with their construction money, gawky social skills, and ridiculous taste, and lastly, the local playboys with some loose change to share with their sisters. 

Some errant hawk thinks I am Nigerian and accosts me with what I can only presume to be Ethiopian pidgin. Luckily, I have a guide who does a great job at translating her pidgin into a coherent English conversation. She thinks I'm fair game and for 1oo$ dollar, she informs us that she will follow us to the end of the earth and do whatever we ask of her. This poor daughter of Sheba with anger issues took a wrong turn and ended up in the mean streets of Nairobi, Kirinyaga Road, I presume. 

I ask my guide to once again inform her that I am Kenyan on a work-related tour of Addis and not some Nigerian playboy looking to spend his easy drug money. She leaves in a huff but not before throwing up a mini-storm. She let everyone within earshot know that we are probably gay and broke or both and are a real and imminent danger to their business model. She even recommended that the bouncers should aid her cause and save the business by throwing out these "idlers". 

Much to my amusement, after the free advertisement, our table became an economic pariah no-go zone. Even Neblyu with his silky American English was shunned like a smelly leper.  A few beers later I was ready to hit the sack and prepare for the next day.

The DOME is the heartbeat of Addis' nightlife

On the morning of my last day in Addis, after the now-commonplace breakfast, we went for the Conference Closing Ceremony at the AU Conference Center before hitting the town to do some last-minute shopping. Our taxi guide drove us to some of the "authentic Ethiopian" markets. The traditional Ethiopian stuff is of excellent quality and even the Chinese would have trouble trying to manufacture their cheap knock-offs. That said, it is expensive and the vendors seem to have a different price for the locals and a different one for the wayward tourist. Save for the fact that you are not allowed to go back home without decent gifts from such trips, I wouldn't advise any sane homo sapiens to go shopping in Addis. 

We didn't want to be late for our flights so we rushed to the airport and checked in with some time to spare. I had some Birr leftover from our Ethiopian sojourn but I was now stuck with it. I couldn't find a single bank within the departure area willing to exchange the Birrs they so gleefully sold us back into dollars. 

They say, "When the student is ready, a teacher will appear". It turns out that there is some random guy working at a duty-free shop at the airport and also making the quick buck exchanging money on the black market. Although he gave me some bad rates, this was a no-brainer and I was soon walking off with some dollars in my pockets. Not being one to look the gift horse in the mouth, I bought some pricey duty-free liquor and candy. At least I was going to get a hug when I reached home.

Going to new places and engaging with new cultures is my absolute favorite pastime. It's been almost a year since my sojourn to Abyssinia yet the memories still remain freshly branded in my mind. Today I share with you some spinets of the journey with the hope that you will find these tidbits, historical and cultural lessons important as you also travel interact with the beautiful people of Habesha. I totally enjoyed every hour of my eventful trip to Ethiopia. I hope you too will have fun and return with a story to share (or a book to write). 

VINCE 3.16 - 01/06/2017